Dumb things that make me laugh
Upon first seeing the Denver International Airport, I immediately thought it was modeled after one of this wiggly-waggly caterpillars you see on nature shows that look kind of fun to play with but would probably totally kill you to death if you touched them.
A friend, however, thought it looked more like whipped-up meringue on top of a key-lime pie.
My mother, bless her soul, thinks the airport is meant to resemble the Rocky Mountain range that it faces. I don’t know what she’s been smoking, but it’s probably not legal in Colorado. Yet.
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This little comic from A Softer World that Erica sent me with the sweet message, “Thought of you <3”
Why is that so great? Because it describes the person I’d be if I were rich and/or powerful enough to get away with it, and I’d lost what little sense of inhibition I still have.
And Erica gets it.
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Goats. Goats in general. I’ve never seen a goat that didn’t sass me. Once, I drove into a fenced-in yard full of goats without penning the goats up first, and I had to get out of the car to fasten the gate behind me. Turning around, I found that a goat had managed to silently claim my car as his personal mountaintop in the time it took me to walk there and back. He trit-trotted around on my crappy paint-job, looking very pleased with himself. “Get off my car, you dumb goat!”“Mah-ah-ah.” In human, this translates to "It's good to be da King," and I was not amused.
Then, there was this goat the other day for whom I was expressing an abscess the size of my fist. She was sweet and cute and patient until I felt a tug on my head and realized she had swallowed most of my braid without me noticing. Reclaiming my hair was like pulling spitty, gluey floss out of the dispenser. And that goat didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed.
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For my undergrad graduation party, a lot of family came to visit me in my college town and brought all their little spawn with them. Despite being the purpose of the party, at one point I found myself attempting to entertain a whole herd of cousins and siblings with the best baby-sitter in the world: Disney.
“Hey, you guys!” I bubbled, “Let’s watch ‘The Princess and the Frog’! We can even sing along to the songs—do you guys know the words? I sure do!”
Lin, my younger sister who was about 7 at the time, looked me straight in the eyes and said in a dead-pan tone, “Well. Aren’t you special.”
I don’t know about you guys, but I didn’t perfect that level of condescension until my late teens. And that, dear readers, is what’s wrong (or so, so right) with kids today.
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People who think that horses are majestic, awe-inspiring creatures. Don't get me wrong, I frickin' love horses. But when you're riding a smoothly loping horse and it's farting with every footfall, you just can't take them too seriously anymore. We're all mammals, baby.
