Dumb things that make me laugh

Upon first seeing the Denver International Airport, I immediately thought it was modeled after one of this wiggly-waggly caterpillars you see on nature shows that look kind of fun to play with but would probably totally kill you to death if you touched them.

A friend, however, thought it looked more like whipped-up meringue on top of a key-lime pie.

My mother, bless her soul, thinks the airport is meant to resemble the Rocky Mountain range that it faces. I don’t know what she’s been smoking, but it’s probably not legal in Colorado.

Yet.

ADVENTURES WITH BOB

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to get a visit from Kansas from my pilot/ex-roommate/home-improvement-inspiration friend, Bob. Seriously, Bob’s awesome. Bob’s so awesome that I gave him a mug once reading, “All Hail Bob, the MacGyver of the Modern Age,” and I wasn’t even being sarcastic. Gasp, shock, yes, I know.

That said, he did NOT manage to MacGyver a car out of lint and rubber bands while on his lay-over in Denver, so on Monday night, I found myself braving the first adventure of the evening all by my lone self: Denver highways at rush-hour.

Future Dr. Dozier: Awesome Lady with a Bone Saw

I remember the first time I got to use a bone saw.

It was oh-so-very long ago (last semester), and I was terrified.

“How do you use it?” I asked my labmates nervously.

Jenny sighed.

“You turn it on,” she said, weighed down once again by the fact that I ask really silly questions when I’m nervous.

I rolled my eyes at her, and glanced at Eddie. He shrugged.

“Don’t look at me!” he said. “I’d probably just cut the dog in half.”

Hrmf.

ONLY TWO POSSIBLE OPTIONS

First off, I'd like to say sorry for taking so long to update. Secondly, I'd like to say that I have some good reasons. I've missed writing, but I just started a veterinary program. I'm taking 25 credit hours. 3 of those hours are extra-curricular.

Frankly, I deserve applause just for showering regularly.

That said, I'd like to start updating more often, but with shorter blogs. That's my new goal. We'll see how that works out.

Either way, on to the blog. Enjoy it. Or at the very least, fake it.

PART II: HOW DID WE NOT GET ARRESTED, AGAIN?

After our exhausting Friday, detailed in my last post, we ended up sleeping in a puppy pile of sweaty drunkenness in the hotel room. A painfully short time later, we dragged our sad, slightly hung-over asses out of bed at 8:00 am, desperately trying to convince ourselves that we really did want to go visit D.C. still.


Grumpy puppies don’t give a crap about national culture.

PART I: AND THEN WE VERY NEARLY GOT ARRESTED

Foreword: This post is just chock full of obscenities and unnecessary capitalization. Started to feel bad, thought maybe I should warn you. Enjoy!

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4:00 AM

“BZZZ, BZZZ, BZZZ!”

“Hrrrm...whuh,” I blearily opened my eyes, disoriented. “Wha’zat?”

“BZZZ, BZZZ, BZZZ!!!”

“Guh. Shut up shut up shut up…”

I rolled out of bed, searching for the buzzing cellphone I’d set on my dresser a scant 4 hours before.

“Erica, it’s time. Come on, get up.”

“…hrmph.”

SOMETIMES I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK AT DINNER

Nobody really asks me how my workday was anymore.


Note: I’m still only a veterinary assistant. Dr. Jarrett gets to do most of the really COOL gross stuff. Sad sigh.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME GO "HMM..."

At this point in my blogging adventure, I tend to consider any random thought as the possibility for a post. Unfortunately, a lot of these random thoughts are random enough that they wouldn't make more than a mouthful if they were audibly expressed, so they are promptly forgotten as the next shiny thing comes along.

IT NEVER RAINS BUT IT POURS

After years of experience and careful self-examination, I recently came to a conclusion that most people assumed was laughably obvious.

I have anger-management issues.

Which means they probably shouldn’t point that out to my face, lest I punch them in theirs.

I COULD NEVER BE A HUMAN DOCTOR (VOL. II)

Ok, folks, it's that time again. If you feel it necessary, buckle up, because people aren't getting any saner, and I am not tired of writing about them yet. In fact, I sit vigilant with a keyboard and a sturdy internet connection, and cultivate my talent for snark until it can no longer be contained.

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