'Dumb things that make me laugh'

Upon first seeing the Denver International Airport, I immediately thought it was modeled after one of this wiggly-waggly caterpillars you see on nature shows that look kind of fun to play with but would probably totally kill you to death if you touched them.A friend, however, thought it looked more like whipped-up meringue on top of a key-lime pie.My mother, bless her soul, thinks the airport is meant to resemble the Rocky Mountain range that it faces.  I don’t know what she’s been smoking, but it’s probably not legal in Colorado.<em> Yet.

'ADVENTURES WITH BOB'

'Yesterday, I was lucky enough to get a visit from Kansas from my pilot/ex-roommate/home-improvement-inspiration friend, Bob.  Seriously, Bob’s awesome.  Bob’s so awesome that I gave him a mug once reading, “All Hail Bob, the MacGyver of the Modern Age,” and I wasn’t even being sarcastic.  Gasp, shock, yes, I know.That said, he did NOT manage to MacGyver a car out of lint and rubber bands while on his lay-over in Denver, so on Monday night, I found myself braving the first adventure of the evening all by my lone self:  Denver highways at rush-hour.

'Future Dr. Dozier: Awesome Lady with a Bone Saw'

'I remember the first time I got to use a bone saw.It was oh-so-very long ago (last semester), and I was terrified.“How do you <em>use</em> it?” I asked my labmates nervously.Jenny sighed.  “You turn it <em>on</em>,” she said, weighed down once again by the fact that I ask really silly questions when I’m nervous.I rolled my eyes at her, and glanced at Eddie.  He shrugged.“Don’t look at me!” he said.  “I’d probably just cut the dog in half.”  Hrmf.I knew not to ask Brooke.  If she wanted to do it, she would have jumped on it.

'ONLY TWO POSSIBLE OPTIONS'

'First off, I'd like to say sorry for taking so long to update.  Secondly, I'd like to say that I have some good reasons.  I've missed writing, but I just started a veterinary program.  I'm taking 25 credit hours.  3 of those hours are extra-curricular.  Frankly, I deserve applause just for showering regularly.  That said, I'd like to start updating more often, but with shorter blogs.  That's my new goal.  We'll see how that works out.  Either way, on to the blog.  Enjoy it.

'PART I: AND THEN WE VERY NEARLY GOT ARRESTED'

'Foreword:  This post is just chock full of obscenities and unnecessary capitalization.  Started to feel bad, thought maybe I should warn you.  Enjoy!-----------------------------------------------------------------------4:00 AM“BZZZ, BZZZ, BZZZ!”“Hrrrm...whuh,” I blearily opened my eyes, disoriented.  “Wha’zat?”“BZZZ, BZZZ, BZZZ!!!”“Guh.  Shut up shut up shut up…”I rolled out of bed, searching for the buzzing cellphone I’d set on my dresser a scant 4 hours before.“Erica, it’s time.  Come on, get up.”“…hrmph.”“Come ON Erica, I,” I yawned, “I don’t wanna be late to the airport again.

'SOMETIMES I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK AT DINNER'

'<strong>Nobody really asks me how my workday was anymore.</strong>  <img src=\'http://kaiodee.com/sites/kaiodee.com/files/job-fails-monday-thru-friday-not-nearly-as-cuddly-as-you-thought-itd-be-is-it-1.jpg\' width=250px /><strong>Note: I’m still only a veterinary assistant.  Dr. Jarrett gets to do most of the really COOL gross stuff.  Sad sigh.</strong>Or rather, they ask me, but only out of common courtesy.  It’s sort of like when an acquaintance asks you how you are, and you automatically say “fine” even if your world is falling apart.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME GO "HMM..."

'At this point in my blogging adventure, I tend to consider any random thought as the possibility for a post.  Unfortunately, a lot of these random thoughts are random enough that they wouldn't make more than a mouthful if they were audibly expressed, so they are promptly forgotten as the next shiny thing comes along.   However, today I am taking a stand.  I will no longer let my inability to focus on a train of thought hamper my bloggage. Instead of choosing one, linear trend to dominate my post, it will be a hodge-podge mish-mash that more closely resembles my thought process.  It's fun.

'IT NEVER RAINS BUT IT POURS'

'After years of experience and careful self-examination, I recently came to a conclusion that most people assumed was laughably obvious.I have anger-management issues.  Which means they probably shouldn’t point that out to my face, lest I punch them in theirs.I never wanted to actually go this far in the stabby direction, though.  I think it just sort of snuck up on me.  First, I decided that maybe it wasn't necessary to be an emotional doormat all the time.  Second, I turned into a bitch.  There was no third step, until now.

'I COULD NEVER BE A HUMAN DOCTOR (VOL. II)'

'Ok, folks, it's that time again.  If you feel it necessary, buckle up, because people aren't getting any saner, and I am not tired of writing about them yet.  In fact, I sit vigilant with a keyboard and a sturdy internet connection, and cultivate my talent for snark until it can no longer be contained.   Wherever there is unnecessary rudeness, I am there to write rude things about it.  Wherever the petty and deceptive emerge from their dank holes to torment the world, I am there with the sharp stick of language to poke them back again.

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